ch-cha-changes

it has been said that change is healthy and good for growth, but lately our lives have been full of constant changes and chaos, perhaps a tad too much. daily k-oss was titled as is, because if i had to sum up my life with one word it would probably be "chaotic". in all that we do, take on and desire to do, it just gets a little much at times. i have taken time today to blog about the current and continuing chaos in my life.

i am throwing the caution flag on this blog, because it may just be a bit of downer to read. , nevertheless, i find it hard to believe that most of you couldn't relate on some level.

the last few weeks have been filled with major decisions, packing, cleaning, painting, re-decorating, parenting, job searching and financing. all of which are challenging within themselves. coupled with all of this, i have been in a constant debate with myself of what to do about next year in terms of my job and adding another little duckling to the ruiz family.

i used to think i was a very qualified individual with many great things to offer, but after the last two interveiw disappointments, i have since turned a different cheek. i am not sure why or how, but i definitely think there is a higher calling for me. i can't imagine what it might be, but it is definitely out there whispering my name. i still think it is within teaching.

i keep wondering what direction God is leading me. i do have faith, but after a long day of wondering and worrying my head gets the best of me and i end up right back where i started, with the whole "what if" game. sometimes you might find me in a corner with my arms folded with a look on my face that reads "it's not fair!".

i feel as though i am up to bat at the world series where each pitch is the determining factor in my life, but i can't seem to hit the ball b/c the ball is pitched ever so strategically, so that i automatically strike out. c'mon, i had to work the sports analogy in there somehow!

the burning question is why. why so many opportunities knocking, but none panning out? when i have time to think about it logically the answer may very well be right in front of me. if it were a snake it may have bit me. but then again, it could all be much deeper than what meets the surface and down the road i may look back on this chaotic time in my life and suddenly know the answers to the whys.

don't get me wrong, i am all about changes and growth, but i think i need the both of them to slow their motors for a bit so i can re-adjust, gain some confidence and settle into my life again. i need to face my challenges with a level head and move forward with class. sorta like getting the mud off my tires while taking a much needed sunday drive.

if, this should happen anytime soon, i can see it now...the blog will be re-named and i will be writing about what i cooked for dinner again instead of which box to unpack and which career choice i have chosen.

how glorious would that be?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my niece Cassie! We miss and love you!